


The Hand That Leads

by cadkitten



Category: D'espairsRay
Genre: Anal Sex, Bondage, Cumshot, Dom/sub, Double Penetration, Explicit Language, Fisting, Frottage, M/M, Masochism, Oral Sex, Sadism, Sex Toys, Spanking, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-17
Updated: 2008-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:33:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zero's always been able to read Hizumi like an open book. But what confuses him the most about his lover is the fact that he never acts on what lurks just beneath the surface. What he doesn't know if that Hizumi's protecting him by keeping him away from a certain side of himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hand That Leads

**Author's Note:**

> Set during RTOC.  
> Song: "SCREEN" by D'espairs Ray

The way he looks at me tells me everything I need to know. Even though our relationship is only a few months old, I've already learned the subtle underlying meanings in his expressions.

It's odd; though. He never really acts on what I see lying right beneath the surface. He stares at me like he wants to eat me alive and yet all I get is the most gentle of kisses and a hug before he leaves. He can give me a look that blatantly says 'get over here and suck me off, bitch', and in the end it somehow leads to _him_ doing just that to _me_. Not that I mind it, but part of me wonders why he's holding himself back so much.

Tonight his look tells me he's almost desperate to have me - that he'd do anything to feel my body surrounding him. And I already know that somehow that's going to come down to me taking him instead. I just can't understand it. Why would someone be so easy to read and yet not ever act on what's so completely obvious? The only answer I have is that maybe he's afraid of how I'd react if he didn't let me be in control.

I shrug it off as we walk out on stage and he focuses on the crowd rather than me. I turn off the rest of me and flip the switch so that all I care about is music and the people in front of me, screaming for me, for us. Everything seems to fly by, our half an hour on stage seeming like nothing at all. I'm breathless and sweaty by the time we leave the crowd behind and the switch automatically flips back over.

Hizumi's eyes rake over me, a hunger there that I haven't seen before. Something's changed over the past half hour and he isn't even trying to mask it. I meet his gaze, trying, without words, to tell him whatever he wants is fine. He stares me down long enough that Karyu clears his throat and asks if everything is okay. I just nod absently and turn away, heading down the hall and out into the cool air of the parking lot.

Hizumi doesn't follow me and somehow that's hardly surprising. I wish he'd just do what he wants and get it out. It's starting to drive me crazy. He's not really submissive to me... it's more like he's in control of me being in control. He lets me top, but I've never fucked someone and walked away from it feeling like I've been completely dominated... until him. It's a whole new experience. He sucks me off, but yet I feel like I've been told to stand there and let him. He's such an odd man. But then again, that's half of what I like about him.

I lean back against the wall and watch the other bands come and go, waiting on the others so we can leave and go to our hotel. I don't even care about a shower - I just want to know what's going to happen tonight between us. Showers can wait until I'm dirtier.

The others come out in a group, Hizumi heading it up. That alone makes me smirk. He commands even them. They step onto the bus and Hizumi pauses on the last step, scanning the area until he finds me. One look and I'm heading for them as fast as I can go. He blinks slowly and inclines his head just the slightest bit before disappearing into the bus. I take the stairs two at a time, knowing I need to get over there fast or he'll be boiling inside because I'm not.

I slip onto the bus and into the seat closest to the door. Hizumi's staring at me from across the walkway, his gaze furious, but somehow dampened. He looks away and I continue staring at him until my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and concentrate on the screen as we pull out of the lot. We've got at least an hour's drive ahead of us before we get to the hotel we're staying at, but that's fine with me.

I open the new text message and read it.

_What's going on between you two? He's been being a real fucker when you're not around lately._

I sigh. The message is from Karyu. I glance toward the back of the bus and he's scrunched in a corner where I can see him, but Hizumi can't. He actually looks upset.

_What'd he do to you guys?_

_Just screamed at us about being late, not being energetic enough, sucking general ass. But when he yells, I feel like I'm being beaten or something._

I can't help the wry smile that plays about my lips. It's true. He's just like that. But it has been worse lately... ever since we started dating. I wince and realize I have no choice but to tell Karyu the truth.

_I don't know... I think maybe it's my fault in a way. We've been dating for a few months and ever since we started, he started getting worse with the yelling stuff._

_You're kidding me. You'd date that ass?_

_Hey! He's actually really gentle with me... it's so weird._

_*snort* Maybe that's why he's such an ass to us now. He's not roughing up someone in bed all the time._

_It's not like I wouldn't let him..._

_Woah, too much information. I don't need to know your kinks. Just... talk to him and tell him to lay off us a bit, huh?_

I glance over at him and he's staring at me. I nod a little and put my phone away to resume staring at Hizumi. He's playing with his pocketknife, flicking it open and then closed. I watch him repeat the same action for the rest of the ride to the hotel. He never once falters: even when he gets up to leave the bus, he continues the action.

I follow him off the bus and stop to grab my bag. He just keeps walking toward the building, so I get his as well and then rush to catch up with him. The bag seems heavier than usual, but I don't dwell on it, figuring he just packed extra clothing or something. He stops at the front desk and manages to ask the lady for our room keys. She has him sign the paperwork and then hands him four keys. He takes one and shoves the others at me, walking away before I can say a word.

It strikes me that he's really pissed off tonight. The last time he was like this, we ended up paying for an entire room to be redone. No one ever told me what actually happened, but the expression on our manager's face was that of a man who'd seen something he didn't want to.

I pass off two of the room keys to the guys and then head up the outside stairs to my room. I'm quick to unpack my bag and go take a shower. If Hizumi wanted my company, he'd have asked for it already. Besides, we only have two more gigs here and then we head back home. He's probably waiting on that, anyway.

I wash myself as I always do, careful to clean every single part of myself at least twice. When I step out, I hear my phone ringing and I run for it, slinging a towel around my waist as I go. I grab it right before it goes to voicemail and answer a bit breathlessly. "Yes?"

"My bag. You have my bag. Bring it. 213."

He sounds pissed and he just hangs up right after he says that. I sigh and quickly grab my t-shirt and jeans for the next day, pulling them on and shoving my feet into my flip-flops. I grab his bag and my keycard and leave the room. It only takes me about five minutes total to get dressed and to his room, but when he opens the door the fire in his eyes screams that it must have taken me an hour to do as he said.

He reaches out and I hold out his bag, an apology on my tongue. But I never get a chance to say it. He grabs my arm and hauls me into the room, slamming the door shut and pressing me against the wall. His touch sends chills through me. Somehow in the time since we've been at the hotel, his anger has increased twenty fold.

I don't struggle, I just stay there, staring into his eyes and letting him hold me firmly in place.

Finally, he lets me go and steps back. "Get out."

I push away from the wall and stand up straight. "We need to talk."

He turns on me, his eyes dancing with something that should have me cowering the corner, but it doesn't. "I said get out. If you're not out of here in the next twenty seconds you'll regret it forever."

I shake my head. "You're so fucking stubborn! I know you want to make me yours in every single sense of the word. But yet all you do is give, give, give. It's affecting everyone else, Hizu! Why can't you just do to me what you want to and stop taking it out on them?"

He stares at me, his eyes cold and hard. I could swear they just turned from brown to black. "You don't want what I do and you have no idea what you're asking for."

"I know that when you look at me, I can read what you want like it's written across your face. But you never act on it. You look like you want me to suck you off and then you give me head instead. You stare at me like all you can think about is your cock shoved up my ass and then I end up on top. Why don't you stop dicking around and actually take me the way you want to? It's not like I'm arguing about it!"

He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. When he opens them again I can see more clearly than I've ever been able to, the fire that burns within them. "And what do you see now?"

"That you're pissed off."

He laughs, but it's a bitter sound. "Then do the smart thing and get the fuck out of here."

"Not until you promise you'll take what you actually want from me."

He growls low in his throat and then grabs my arm, twisting me around and almost throwing me on the bed. "You fucking asked for it. Just remember that when you're screaming for me to stop."

I blink up at him. I don't feel panicked. I just feel pleased that he's asserting himself like he wants to.

He takes his bag from where it got dropped on the floor and sets it on the dresser, quickly dumping clothing out and then starting to set out an array of objects that should bother me, but don't - two large metal bars with hooks, two sets of leather cuffs, a whip, a large tube of lubricant, two dildos, and a box of latex gloves.

He turns around, something hidden in his fist, and he slowly advances on me, like he's stalking his prey. I stare up at him, beckoning him without words. He sits on the edge of the bed next to me. "Last chance... if you want out, it's now or never. I don't guarantee I can stop what I'm doing if you change your mind later."

"I choose to stay." My voice is clear and unhesitant. I know what I want and I want him to just get the fuck on with whatever it is he wants from me.

He holds up what he's had in his palm this entire time. It's a silk blindfold. He reaches out and ties it around my head. "This is the only thing you can ask me to remove. Understand?"

I nod and he ties it tight behind my head. The next thing I feel is him tugging my clothing off. Once I'm naked the cuffs go around each of my wrists and then my ankles. The first bar goes between my wrists and he attaches that to the headboard of the bed with what sounds like handcuffs. The second bar goes between my ankles.

I can hear him moving around, but I can't tell what he's doing until suddenly he's on top of me, his naked body sliding against mine. I moan wantonly and he crushes his mouth to mine, silencing me. His body moves over me, his erection sliding against me until I'm just as hard as he is.

His mouth doesn't leave mine until he moves away from me, leaving me achingly hard and alone. There's silence and I can't quite figure out what to make of that until his slick fingers are pressing at my entrance. I tense and then immediately relax, remembering the pain of tensing up.

His fingers push into me, first two and then three. He feels like he's wearing a latex glove and I can't blame him. Sometimes it's unpleasant to stick my fingers up his ass. I push back against him as he slides a fourth finger into me. Where's he going with this? Somehow he's making it not hurt as much as it should and for that I'm grateful, though I wish I knew what trick he's got up his sleeve.

He slowly spreads out his fingers and slips in his thumb. Holy fuck... he's going to stick everything in me, isn't he? My body flushes slightly and I start gasping for breath. His hand slides further into me and I can't quite believe I'm taking him like this.

He gets in just up to his knuckles and my body begins to object. I whimper and shift uneasily. He pushes down on the bar between my feet, keeping me firmly in place. "I never said you'd like it." He pushes his hand in even further, but makes up for it by leaning down and taking my softening length into his mouth and lightly sucking.

I clench my fists and try to concentrate on how good his mouth feels rather than what his hand is doing to me. The tension eases and I breathe a sigh of relief.

He pulls away from my cock and lets go of the bar between my legs. I still feel full but not like I'm dying. Something moves inside me and I realize his entire hand is in me up to his wrist. He curls his fingers and lightly strokes my prostate. I cry out, unable to keep the noise inside. My ass clenches and tears form in my eyes.

He strokes me with his free hand, forcing me to stop clenching so hard. Once I'm relaxed again, he quickly pulls his hand out and I feel him get up from the bed. I lay there, tears wetting the material of the blindfold. I don't hate what he did, but what kind of awful kink was that? He wanted his fist in me? Not his cock?

He's back in a matter of seconds and something new slips inside me. It doesn't hurt at all. At this point he could shove a damn tree up my ass and I'm not sure it'd hurt. I know I'm gapped enough it'll be a while before I can sit right, much less shit right.

I remember his words from earlier, that all I can ask is for him to remove the blindfold. Instantly, I realize I actually would rather see what's coming than be oblivious to it. Not only that, but I need to see his face; to know I'm letting him do this for a reason. "Hizu... please. Would you remove the blindfold?"

He stands up and I can feel his presence by my head. The sound of something hitting the bottom of the trashcan meets my ears and I realize he's discarded the glove. His fingers gently lift my head and he unties the knot, careful not to pull my hair as he removes it.

I lay my head back and blink up at him in the now dim light of the room. He looks less angry than earlier, but that same glint is still in his eyes. I keep my eyes locked with his until he turns away and retreats across the room. "You're the only lover I've ever had that I've let do what you've done... that I've given anything back to in return for what they give me. Do you know why that is?"

"No."

He turns around, the black whip in his hands. "Because I actually care about you, Zero."

It's only the third time in the entire time I've known him that he's called me by name. To my ears it's almost as if he just told me he loves me. I nod a little. "And I about you."

He walks to the bed and slowly drags the braids of the flogger over my leg and up my thigh. He stops with it dangling over my sex, his eyes on mine. "Do you understand yet why I have not taken what I want until now?"

I shake my head a little.

"Because usually I am a very violent man when I take what I want. I didn't want to hurt you like I've hurt all the others. Before you," he shakes his head, "let's just say I don't play... well."

I level my gaze with him. "So far you're not playing hard either."

He smirks at me. "You're right. And I'll never play as hard with you as I have with some in the past. Before I do anything else to you, you need a way to let me know you've had enough. I won't take you begging, crying, or screaming to stop. Choose a word and if I hear you say it, I stop. If I don't hear it," he shrugs, "I'll keep going until you're broken and bloody in my arms. You have to be my cut-off. Do you understand that?"

I nod, feeling the tension radiating off him. His eyes tell me he's terrified to do this to me, scared to death he'll lose control.

"The others never said their word. I _need_ you to say yours before I go too far." A hint of desperation in his voice.

Now I understand the sorrow in his eyes. He never meant to break them; they just never said the right thing. I close my eyes. "Can it be a phrase?"

"If you'd like it to be."

"Love me, Hizu." I say it without hesitation, but I open my eyes just before the words leave my mouth, judging his reaction. It's exactly as expected. He tenses and stares at me hard. I smile and look away. "It'll stop you."

"Alright."

He turns away and I lean up enough to see that what's inside me is the larger of the two dildos he'd set out. I wonder about the second one, but I don't ask. I'm not here to ask things. I'm here to let him have his way with me and let everything he needs to out. I lay back and flex my fingers a little. "Hizu?"

He turns and looks at me, his eyes like molten pools of black tar. "Yes?"

"Just don't mess with my hands, okay? I still need them to play."

He nods. "Wouldn't dream of it." But his eyes tell me that he will dream of it. He'd never act on it, but he will dream about it.

He settles on the bed between my legs and holds the flogger up. "Do you want this or my hand?"

I glance between the two and then level my gaze with his. "Your hand."

He leans over me and presses his lips to my ear as he drops the flogger to the floor. "Masochistic little fucker."

I laugh softly. "So hit me already." I'm taunting him, egging him on. Maybe not the best idea, but my body actually wants to see what he's got in store for it.

"Are you planning on wearing that t-shirt and those jeans tomorrow?" I nod and he laughs. "Good, then I can fuck up the rest of your pretty little body." He draws away and raises his hand, bringing it down hard on my inner thigh.

I gasp as the sting shoots through my body and I clench around the dildo. He does it again and again, this time unrelenting in his blows. Each one finds contact somewhere slightly different. He makes his way over both legs and across my abdomen. I watch him as he does it. The glint in his eyes intensifies and I know he's enjoying what he's doing. I let my gaze slide over his naked body. He's so aroused that his cock is actually slightly reddened. A single bead of precum glistens at the head and I long to suck it from him.

He must notice my gaze because he stops his assault and stalks up my body on all fours, reminding me even more of an animal on the hunt. "Say you want it."

I lick my lips and look up into his eyes as he poises himself above me, straddling my chest. "I want your cock in my mouth."

He reaches up and frees one of my hands, placing it on his hip as he positions himself over my mouth. "Slap my leg twice if you need me to stop. Only if I'm actually hurting you. Do you understand?"

I give him a single nod. "Yes."

He reaches down and slides one hand into my hair, pulling my head back a little. The way he looks at me tells me this isn't going to be any ordinary cock-sucking session. I open my mouth and he slides himself in, one delicious inch at a time. I lick at him, forcing a moan from his throat. His eyes burn into mine and I relax my throat, knowing what's coming next and accepting it.

He pushes in all the way, his cock hitting the back of my throat. He stays there for more than a minute, flexing himself just a little. Finally, his hips start to move and with every thrust, he pulls out a little further and pushes back in a little harder. He lets go of my hair and grabs onto the headboard of the bed, his hips pistoning hard and fast as he all-out fucks my mouth.

I can't get enough of it. I never knew I'd want it like this, but I love the way he looks doing this, the way he seems like he's lost control. His eyes meet mine again and there's a wild look in them that tells me I'm not far off base in thinking he's lost touch with reality. I moan, trying to shift so that the dildo comes out of me a little so I can fuck it. It won't budge and I whimper around his length. He fucks my mouth harder, as if in punishment for the noise I'm making. My jaw's getting sore and I'm half afraid I'm going to end up biting down soon.

Hesitantly, I tap his thigh twice in quick succession. He pulls out immediately, the look fading from his eyes and his normal self settling in instead. I work my jaw back and forth, trying to ease the ache.

He takes my hand, putting it around his cock. "Get me off."

I wrap my hand around his familiar length and pump him just the way I know he likes it when I'm fucking him. He moans low in his throat and his hips jerk. His cum splatters across my face and I stare up at him in shock. I had no idea he was that close. I almost ended up with his load in my mouth. I lick at what I can get to with my tongue, wanting to taste him.

He remains with his eyes closed for almost an entire minute before moving off me and taking my hand, fastening it back into the cuff. I let him. Why should I argue? He got off, but I haven't yet. It's not over until I scream.

He runs his hand over my chest and down across the expanse of my abdomen to my aching cock. He palms it and rubs it lightly a few times before letting go and moving to sit between my legs again. He takes the end of the dildo that's inside me and begins to fuck me with it _hard_.

I cry out with every thrust of it into me. It's impossible for it not to hit my prostate, the size of it basically ensuring it will. He pounds it into me until I can't see anything but white. My breath comes in harsh rasps and my body jerks hard with each inward thrust he makes.

I open my eyes when he stops to find him jerking himself off on the foot of the bed as he lowers himself onto the second dildo. He moans throatily and I realize the dilemma he's always stuck in. He wants to give and take at the same time. His eyes meet mine as he holds the base of the toy and begins to fuck himself on it. I watch, my cock throbbing to be in place of the toy. He smirks at me and fucks it harder. Sadistic bastard. He's found my button.

He pushes himself down on it until I can't see it anymore and then he pushes himself up, crawling back over me. He kisses me and then begins to lick at my face, cleaning up his mess as he applies more lube to me. I suddenly understand what he intends to do and I know it won't be pleasant, at least not at first.

He presses his cock against my entrance, just above the dildo and I force myself to breathe steadily. He pushes harder and harder until the head of his cock pops in. I glance down as he uses my chest to gain more leverage and I'm surprised to see that he's wearing a condom. The man has magical powers of condom usage. His hips thrust forward hard and he buries himself in me.

I close my eyes and try not to let the tears out that threaten to fall. I wanted this. I asked him to let out what he wanted. He presses his body back against mine and just stays there, holding me. His lips brush lightly over my cheek and his breath whispers across my skin. "All you have to do is say those three words and I'll stop right here."

My only wish is that I could hold him the way he's holding me. "Fuck me, Hizu."

He pulls back a little and studies my eyes. "Those aren't the words."

"I know."

He moans low and sexy just as his hips start to move, dragging his cock from me and then pushing it back in with each powerful thrust. He basically clings to me as he fucks me as hard as he can. His eyes hold mine the entire time and there's something a little less harsh about them now. With every thrust the look fades a little more.

He moves and his hand wraps around my cock, jerking me off in time with his thrusts. His eyes slip closed and he begins to moan the same way he does when I'm taking him. The tension I've felt in his body all these months fades away as his speed increases. I tense and cry out his name, my release spilling over his fingers as he continues to thrust into me. It isn't long before my name rips free from his throat and he slams into me one last time, his length pulsing inside me as he empties himself.

He stays there, buried inside me, his chest rising and falling rapidly. When he opens his eyes again, they're full of caring and still that undertone of sorrow. But none of the other things cloud them like before. He needed this. He needed me to understand and to let him take control. He pulls out, taking the dildo out right after he's left my body. He removes the one from himself and then sets about releasing my wrists and ankles and I shake the feeling back into my arms. He rubs lightly at my ankles.

I watch him, a gentle smile on my lips. His eyes meet mine and I open my mouth, knowing that the words I'm about to say are what I really want. They aren't a command to stop, just the blatant truth. "Love me, Hizu."

He pauses and then smiles as he lowers his eyes back down to my ankles, continuing to rub them. "Always, Zero."

**The End**  



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